anybody that knows me, knows that i live my life with a glass that is half full, most of the time. i try to look at situations in a positive way, always looking for the good that came out of the WORST things that happen in life. it will throw you situations that you've never experienced before. it will throw you relationships you cannot handle, ones that tear you down to a point where it feels pointless to try and get back up. it will throw you illnesses that will affect you and the ones you love, and sometimes ones nobody can make disappear. sometimes you will be stuck in a position where every decision you can possibly make will hurt you. life isn't fair. the people that genuinely care for others are the ones that will be stomped on, more than once. you can be the strongest person - and others will still find a way to bring you pain, and worse, bring you down. you can't get used to it. it's not natural to accept that people you love intentionally continue to damage you. and it's not right to change who you are, and stop trusting others. you will trust people and then they will hurt you- but that is life.  as deranged as you feel, this is you. you can only control yourself. you might look at some people and be disgusted, wonder why they're even here- and wonder why they are happy. the fact is, it can bother you that others, sometimes the ones that least deserve it, find everything they ever wanted in life. but you don't manage them, you can only manage yourself. you can wake up every morning, look in the mirror and be upset about your surroundings... but the only ones that are worth your disgust are the ones you are involved in, the ones you can change. you can live your whole life waiting for somebody to become the person you 'think they just might be.' well, i have an amazing friend that once told me "you can't go into a relationship expecting somebody to change" and although those words might not mean anything to you right now, they will in some point in time of your life- i still carry those words with me, two years later. i am all over the place. i can't say that i am not happy. i have awesome friends, im enjoying school, and have an AMAZiNG family that has always been the best to me. i'd be selfish to ask for anything more right now... i have so many caring people in my life, ones that many deserve but are deprived of. but, i am hurt. i do have a lot of pain that i need to figure out. Sometimes all you can do is smile and move on with the day, hold back the tears, and pretend you're okay.

look for the girl with the broken smile...